The Harsh Reality

All I Think About Is You

So it is very obvious that I have not written in my blog for some time now, well I have to be honest, I just have not been up to sharing my feelings with everyone about my husband going overseas. I think most know it is a hard thing to go through, but I could compare that by saying a man knows child birth is hard for his wife... lol... well it is just one of those things that no one truly knows until they are in that position.
In a very strange way the excruciating pain of missing him helps me keep the reality that he has not disappeared, he is just gone for a little while (knock on wood), the pain some how helps me feel like he is still with me... I guess I've replaced my happy marriage with pain. It is a hurt that others can not understand unless they are in my shoes. I feel as though my soul has been ripped from my body and is no longer in my possession... I just hope that it is with him keeping him safe and one day they will both return to me and make me whole again.
My kids are doing well, Liam misses his Papa very much. He gets scared when he sees things on the news related to Afghanistan so I do my best to keep him away from it. Hayden has gotten so big, and I know it is hard on Morgan. He said seeing the pictures of Hayden sitting up and standing are very weird for him to see and I can hear it in his voice that he is sad he is missing seeing all these stages.
One thing I find amazing is how some people act when a soldier goes overseas... some I'm impressed about and others not so much. The thing that I love is what some family and friends have done for Morgan. They have put out boxes at their work to collect stuff to put together care packages for Morgan and the other troops! I think that is so very kind and would like to thank Sara and Krystal for their amazing efforts. The boys are going to be so pleased! The thing that really bothers me is certain people (I'll leave names out) who we never talk to, didn't come to our wedding etc... pretend to give a shit all of a sudden... I appreciate people who actually care, but sometimes I feel they are doing it more for a "I know so and so is overseas, feel sorry for me" like excuses me? Way to take someone's bad situation and try and get fam and glory out of it... It isn't glorious, it is sad! People who use that as a way of trying to gain attention have some serious issues that need to be resolved... yes I have a burr up my ass about that, and I've spoken to Morgan about my feelings on the topic and he agrees...
Anyway, no word from the land of sand today, but I would like to express my condolences to the family of the most recent fallen soldier, Sapper Brian Collier. I thank you for your service to our country and we will NEVER forget!!! Rest In Piece

The Farewell

On June 1st my husband was deployed to Afghanistan for the fourth time. The days leading up to his deployment I didn't really have much to say which is why I haven't posted in a while and to be honest I really don't have much to say right now either. I guess their are no words for the way I feel right now... I just pray to God that my husband will be safe and the days will go by fast for us all. I'll write more when I feel up to it.

I miss you Morgan

In With The New, But I Still Miss You!

It has only been a few days since the unfortunate passing of my beautiful kitty Jack. My heart still breaks every day and night at the reality that he is never going to give me the joy of his presence again, and I am very sure that the pain will continue for a long time to come. My animals are a huge part of world, I like them more than most people I know!!! So losing one isn't as easily shrugged off as it is for some other insensitive people I know. Anyway, so it may be soon but we have already adopted a new cat into our home. The reasoning is very simple, the thought of another cat living in a cage at the Humane Society breaks my heart when I know I have a spot in my home. Jack can never be replaced, nor do I look for a cat to fill his shoes, but I know that Jack being a rescue would not want to see another cat live in a cage when a spot is opened in a loving home.
I feel very strongly about adopting animals from the humane society and rescues rather than supporting pet stores! Seriously, there are SO many animals that need homes! All my animals are rescues, right down to our guinea pig! I know people want certain breeds and colours ect... but that is why you look to the rescues for that breed! I wanted a husky so I got one through the Siberian Rescue and believe me he is everything and more!!! I could not have wished up a better dog! Rescue animals are amazing, they will love you until the end!
Our newest edition is a grey and white adult male cat. He is pretty confident in himself! He walked into our house as if he owned the place, he won't take crap from the other cats or the dog... I think he is going to fit in fine! haha... We are working on a name right now, so far we have Sid the cat... as in Sid the kid. We'll see though, we need to get to know him better before we come to a final decision.
Anyway, I seriously hope that before any of you decide to take on a new pet you will do your research on your local humane society and rescues so that you can possibly adopt from them to give a well deserving animal a second chance and a forever home! And let me stress the forever part!!!! Don't get an animal and decide a year later that you don't want it anymore! I hate people who do that, shame on you! Sorry but animals deserve to be treated better than that, they are not possessions.
I will get a picture up of "Sid" soon! Oh and don't forget that even if you can't adopt due to allergies etc that you can always donate! Thanks and I hope you either have or will one day enjoy the love of a rescued  animal! There is no love greater! : )

There Is One More Angel In Heaven

 I'm very sad to report that around 11:15 this morning my beautiful cat, Jack, was put to sleep forever. He went into heart failure and there was nothing to do but ease his pain.
Jacks age is unknown due to the fact that when I adopted him about 10 years ago he was already an adult and no one know his exact age. The vet guessed he was around the age of 3 at the time of his adoption.
Jack was found at the Humane Society in Bowmanville in a box in the middle of winter. He had frost bite all over his back legs and was very scared. When I adopted him he was at the Pet Smart in Whitby awaiting patiently for a forever home and that is exactly what I gave him. I know I did a good job giving Jack a loving home, plenty of food and all the attention he craved. But Jack gave me so much in return, he loved his people unconditionally, he was just as loyal as a dog and young at heart like a kitten. He taught me responsibility at a young age, and has now taught me how to teach my children about life and death. The vet said to me that the way I explained everything to Liam was beautiful and that we made the right choice.
I'm going to miss you Jack, Mommy loves you!!! Say hi to Lucky for me. I will see you again one day. Thanks for being my kitty XOXOXOXOX

This, That & The Other Thing

Well knock on wood I think we may have come to an agreement! (read my previous post, I don't feel like explaining again lol) All we have to do at this point is to get the papers signed and tada... but nothing is in stone yet so I won't give any details until that point comes... Fingers crossed this will continue in a positive direction.
Anyway, so I found out something rather disturbing, a woman was attacked on south side of the base (where we use to live!) in her home! I guess a guy broke into her home and tried to attack her but she fought him away! How scary!! Here is a link that gives very little details but confirms the rumors to be true, http://myfmradio.ca/1049/wire/news/01012_RAP_BASE_ATTACK1-web_064927.php  My thinking is that since so many of the soldiers have been deployed that these sick men think the women are easy targets! I sure hope the military police step up their search and find this person... and send more cars out for constant patrols and keep up those patrols until the troops are home! My husband and I have already talked about the safety measures we will be taking for whenever he leaves (still no idea, could be any day between now and dec), but I'm not about to give away our plan on the internet! I just can't imagine what that poor girl's husband must be thinking! He is on the other side of the world serving his country and his wife gets attacked in their home... as if military families don't have it hard enough as it is. Well the good news is that she did fight him off! and she is ok!!!
If you look back at my previous posts in regards to the Purina Maxx Scoop, you'll see some pictures on my cats. The big fat one, Jack, isn't doing so well right now, he seems to have gone from aging slowly to an old man over night! It just seems as though a couple of weeks ago he was the same old Jack, and now all of a sudden he is just that, old. He is breathing very heavy at times, no he is not suffering and gasping for air! His fur use to feel like a rabbits and looked beautiful but now it isn't looking so good or feeling that good either. Part of me is wondering if he has had a little stroke or something, I don't know, something is just very off. I have no idea what is going to happen, hopefully he still has some good years left in him as an old man.   

The "Ex" Factor...

So seriously???? Can't anything go right? I mean I try and try and try and try to do my best and make everyone happy to avoid conflict but at what expense??? My sanity?!
Well I don't want to go into details, but I just need to say wow! To make a very long story short I have an ex who is pissed at me for obtaining a lawyer in regards to child's access and transportation. I've gone above and beyond what most people would do to ensure their child has an excellent relationship with their "other" side of the family. It has been 5 years since our previous court order and felt that it was time to amend the old and bring on the new due to the major changes in the child's life. But by the attitude of the "other" side of the family I don't have the right to counsel! You see I got a lawyer since I didn't feel I could communicate properly with my child's "father". His idea of communication is emailing me when it is convenient for him... Anyway the "communication" was getting no where and I felt/feel that it is the only way anything will get resolved in a reasonable and civil manner.
I have a pretty good idea what the underlining issues are and they have nothing to do with the child's best interest. It is pretty sad when people can't get over their resentments and move forward in their lives. Exactly why I need a lawyer... I'm not dealing with other people's hate and anger.
What I find most, well, retarded, is that the letter my lawyer sent was very nice and encouraged that we work together and aim not to go to court and it is being made out to be as if I'm trying to screw the other side over! This is insane! I want help with transportation and a new schedule, I don't give a flying rats ass about money! I care about my child and what is best for him,,, not what is best for his father!
I have done all the driving for the past 2 years and I have never heard 1 thank you or anything from anyone in his side of the family. It is all "you moved there why should I have to pay for it", well to be very honest their is nothing in the court order saying I have to do all the driving and their is nothing saying I can't move! I am still in the same province and have been very encouraging towards the relationship between child and the so called "father".
I guess I am so upset because I know I have done more than anyone else I know in respects to respect the relationship between my child and his father and his side of the family and it got me where? Used and disrespected!  I've never heard ONE thank you or any offer of help... I send report cards, pictures, updates on general information etc... and for what? nothing but B.S.... why am I expected to do all of this? Nothing says I have to... I guess it was my own stupidity and ignorance that made me think that maybe being nice would make things easier and get me ahead... HAHAHA... right!  It got me nowhere! I know I have gone above and beyond... I guess it is "their" turn to get off their asses and start doing some work...
You see the sad difference between me and "them" is that I have done everything I have for my child... Yet everything "they" do is due to "their" anger at me... They want to punish me... and part of that punishment is that "they" feel since I moved I should have to do ALL the driving... I just don't see how we are going to settle outside of court on this issue, there is so much more to it involving support and custody. At least at the end of it all I know I've been looking at my child's best interest, not revenge! This isn't about money for me... I don't care about money I care about my child. This is the problem with law... People become so unreasonable and look for punishment where it is not reasonable to give. No law can make another person like, love, or even tolerate another person! Get over it! Like everyone else I have to go to bed at night with the decisions I have made in my life and I would just like to say that I sleep like a baby with no regrets!

What Now?

The last four days I've been breaking out in Hives and it is driving me crazy! Lately it always seems to be something with me, I feel like I can't catch a break and it is becoming a little depressing. In the last four months I've had what was possibly the H1N1 virus which led to an extremely bad case of bronchitis that I'm still not 100% over with (insane I know), I'm just getting over a sinus infection and have something torn in my neck! I hate to complain but I just need a few moments to vent.
Tonight I did a bunch of reading on the internet and read many different things on Hives and tried to pin point where mine are coming from, all I have to say is HA! lol... that is because I can pin point more than one thing lol. I could be getting hives from a viral infecting, the antibiotics I've been on, the pain meds I've been on, allergies or some people get them just because!
When I was a kid I was in a rare group of people who got hives from cold. I had to take a few different medications and wasn't allowed to be outside unless I was walking to the car and back. I don't recall much of it now but I think there was some concern with potential blocking of my airways. It only lasted one winter and hasn't shown back up since. I just hope that this isn't going to be one of those weird things again and goes away now that I have stopped taking the medications!
I have also heard that this year is going to be a very bad year for people with allergies so maybe it is a reaction to something. That would make sense too since all the plants are starting to grow. My son had his friend come over after school for a sleep over but I had to call his Mom to come and pick him up about half an hour ago because he couldn't breathe because his allergies were sooo bad! Poor Liam was so upset that his friend had to leave but Cole's Mom couldn't get him any meds due to all the drama going on with the pharmacies. His allergies were that bad, I feel so bad for the little guy, he was crying (I think he felt a little panicked).
Anyway, so I'm sure by now you can see why it would be hard for me to pin point what is causing it,,, if anything is even causing it according to some of my reading. All I can do at this point is wait 3 days and if I'm still getting them I know it wasn't the meds. Other than that I am just going to have to take my Benadryl and pray that this goes away in a few days... hopefully not weeks! I just hope more than anything that I don't have another funky allergy like I did with the cold that one winter and I hope it isn't chronic hives (lasting longer than 6 weeks). Anyone else deal with something like this? Let me know, and let me know how you coped.
Cheers all : )